Writer's Block, Load of Cock

I hear from people all the time, wondering if I experience writer's block on a regular basis. They are a little surprised when I swiftly and categorically state "never."

Let me take a quick step back to early 2007, the time of my initial release, Memoirs of the Messed Up Minds. It's three novellas, and the concepts behind each tale were constructed in about fifteen minutes, all a mix of dreams and real-life situations. Now, at that time, I did have block moments, often sitting staring into space, pirouetting my Parker around middle and index finger. I realized this was a complete bullshit approach, leading to nothing but frustration and bad ideas (and very often zero ink deposit).

That was the moment writer's block became a load of cock. For about two days in my early career I used to think strategically about each line, some nights scratching and crossing out words until I was happy. At the end of an evening I might have three lines crafted that I was truly delighted with. Some people might argue that it is still progress. Technically they are correct, but at that rate (let's say three lines, 14 words per line, part of a 70,000 target), it was working out to be a little in excess of four and a half years to complete a first draft (I know you are now at least thinking of reaching for a calculator if you haven't already). That was never a viable tactic, regardless of how sophisticated and entertaining the three lines were. Nope, I sat myself down (not sure why, I already was), thought back to my corporate life, how to figure out a problem, and adopted the old brainstorming concept.

Brainstorming:

"A conference technique of solving specific problems, assessing information, stimulating creative thinking, developing new ideas, etc., by UNRESTRAINED and SPONTANEOUS participation in discussion."

Was I a group, no, but for certain subject matter, particularly character dialogue, I was playing the entire cast, so yes, I could technically check that box. Solving problems and creative thinking was certainly key, with the aim of generating new ideas. However, unrestrained and spontaneous was paramount to the task ahead. My old (he will love that word) mentor stressed in the brainstorming exercise that "no idea is a bad idea," and that "ideas initially considered 'out there' or bad on the surface, often were the trigger mechanism for brain waves that resulted in sensational concepts, or at least the initial baseline for modification and finally achieving an optimal solution."

And so it went. Grab your pen and pad Brandon and let's GO.

That's precisely what I did. I would write and write and write, mainly fully aware I was wasting paper and ink, supping down a pint of lager as I went. I was like a part-time marathon runner at the midway point, exhausted beyond belief, but knew I had to persevere and find that finish line.

It's a simple process really, and an effective one...highly. It's not like it's trademarked or patent pending, as I'm sure many a scribbler out there adopts at least a similar approach. So, cut the crap I hear you say, get on with it, finish this shit off already.

Well, the previous few lines of diarrhea essentially disclose the philosophy.

JUST KEEP WRITING AND LIMIT THE THINKING.

Starting a book, or indeed a new chapter, I am assuming you have a general subject matter to follow. Just write. Spew out whatever comes to mind, even if you know it is complete pig swill. Some of my finest (yes, in my opinion) pieces of prose have happened as a result, and I would NEVER have generated them without just letting thoughts go. My 4th book, The Tin Boy: Tale of a Scottish Football Misfit, is a prime example. I just love the chapter called Wan Spicy Picnic. I was six pages deep (of complete nonsense) and five pints in, when suddenly the word "dream" in the sentence I had just constructed triggered me in a new direction. The chapter now in place was put together in about twenty minutes from that point, but would never have occurred if I had just sat pondering perfection.

Just let it flow. You'll waste a lot of paper in the process, but the results will develop faster and more effectively. Give it a try, and I honestly believe you will consider writer's block a thing of the past (and a load of cock).

Cheers.